He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
