what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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