Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
