I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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