I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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