So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
