the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
