I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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