I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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