i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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