bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize