So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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