We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
