dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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