when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
