just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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