i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
