Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
