Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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