I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
