First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
