Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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