Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
