We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
