On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
