we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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