So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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