Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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