One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
