Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
