well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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