so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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