Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
