did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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