Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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