so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
