Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
