Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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