Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
