His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
