Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
