When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish my penis had a tongue
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
