Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
