i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
