I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
