i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize