You're my little dorito
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
