That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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