I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
