i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
