I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My cat gives me a boner
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He better not be in your backpack
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
