dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
