i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
