There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Found your dick twin last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
