i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
