judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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