Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
