This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
