I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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