she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
