What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
