there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
