I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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