Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
