I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
