Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
