While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize