we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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